The Crazy Barber of Hampi

Out for a walk in town I noticed a barbershop, or rather a man cutting hair in a square hut.  I decided to ask how much for a head shave as the heat was incredible and I had not shaved my head or face in over a month...Goodbye jewfro...

He said for 300rps he would do it... After that I was kind of committed and I submitted to it.  There were a couple people sitting around and the place was a little dank.  I hopped on the chair and the barber got out his tools...  First he shaved a bit with the electric razor to make sure it wasn't too short for me, then he got out the scissors and went mad on my head...in less than a minute he clearcut as much as he could, mad like a logger on the day before the Green party officially takes power...  Then he grabbed the buzzer and is mad efficiency shaved my head in what seemed like 12 passes.  The last time this was done it took the lady in Thailand 40 minutes to shave my head...  she went over it and over it in different sizes, pulling and yanking and tearing at my scalp.  While the mad barber of Hampi was as gentle as say the grill on a MAC truck, he only needed less than five minutes to complete the job.

Next up was my face.  He took a new blade and inserted it into the razor.  He brushed some cream across my beard, and began.  In no time it was over.  Each masterful stroke precise and methodical.  If I could shave that fast with a blade I would probably attempt it from time to time.

The barber offered me a head massage.  Just an extra 50 rupees.  Why not?  I thought Thai massages rearranged the body in a wholly painful and inhuman manner, but have you ever had your ears cracked?  The massage mostly consisted of him beating down and slapping my head in all manners possible.  He composed 2 symphonies and at least 3 Ragas on my scalp, intermittently squeezing my cheeks,m ears and anything else protruding from my head!  It was painfully almost kind of good.  But only almost.  He did two of the craziest things at the end. 
Number one: He cracked my neck.  First he put his arms around my neck like he wanted to  kill me, then he rocked me gently once or twice than...WHAM!!! snap!  I thought I might have died!  Knowing what was coming next and that it was useless to complain I tried to loosen up for side two.  It was just as scary!  Even more as I knew it was coming!

Number two:  He 'cracked' my ears!  He put one hand on my head and held the top of my ear with the other.  Then I didn't know why but it quickly became apparent he leaned in real close.  (This was also the time I smelled the alcohol on his breath and thanked some nonexistent omnipotent deity that he hadn't sliced my throat!)  So he suddenly yanked down very hard on my ear and I hear this sound almost like a crack!  That is what he was waiting to hear too!  While this was painful it had immediate blissful effects.  I was still scared for the other side but in a slightly anticipatory way.  When that was done and he slapped my scalp a few more times I actually felt like I was floating.  It was a super massage!

Sarah, who I have been traveling with, was sitting in the room talking the whole time...I wanted some sympathy for the horror my head endured and noticed that she had missed the whole thing... not one to want to let a weird and painful experience escape a friend I suggested that she get one too...  It was fun to watch!!

After it was done the barber and his friends who slowly poured in were ready to eat.  They put a mat on the floor (after wiping away my hair) and set out food, and beer.  They were quite adamant that we eat and drink with them, offering beer every 30 seconds...They had also closed the door before this party started...  After a long enough sit I wanted some fresh air, and walking out it seemed like all the locals sitting across the dirt road at a small store were looking at us with sad looks in their faces...like they looked down on what goes on in the little barbershop and anyone who partakes in it...Another traveler had been 'stuck' inside drinking since he had his shave much earlier in the day...

So that is the story of how I had my head and face shaved by a drunken Indian...tune in next time for the story of my full body wax!